Another In The Fire

My blog will be anonymous simply because I don’t want it to be all about me. Yes, it will occasionally entail my life I am certain but I want the overall focus to be on God. So maybe this first blog should simply be my testimony. A testimony is not meant to be a “me, me, me” story but more of a “this is how big my God is” story. And let me tell you, I serve a BIG GOD! 

A few years back I woke in the middle of the night with a racing heart and shear terror. Thankfully my mom just happened to be there for a visit for the weekend and after waking her, she called 911. The paramedics arrived and found that I was in atrial fibrillation and my heart rate was around 200 bpm. I was in a very serious predicament. On the way to the hospital I prayed in a way that I had never prayed before. I was terrified. I felt like I was dying and I was not even remotely ready to be away from my very young child. After being rushed to the emergency department and many tests later, a doctor came into the room and explained I was being admitted into ICU and would be scheduled to have my heart electrically shocked to try and return it to normal. He further explained that my heart would never return to normal on its own. 

I had been praying fervently the entire time begging God to save me. Show me that I was not alone, ease my fear, just help! When that doctor told me I would never be ok without the electrical intervention, the fear skyrocketed. And in that exact moment, my heart returned to a normal rhythm and a normal heart rate of 80. That poor doctor was so stunned he made them bring in another machine because there was “simply no way that was possible”. But it was. Because my God is way bigger than an arrogant doctor who had not met Him yet! After being in the hospital for around 6 hours, I WALKED out of the door into the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen, and have never seen one like that since. 

There’s a song by Danny Gokey titled “Haven’t Seen It Yet” and the chorus says “its like the brightest sunrise waiting on the other side of your darkest night” and that is exactly what this was for me. That song has been a favorite of mine since it was released because it’s a beautiful reminder of what God did for me that night. 

I am never going to say that was the end of my story and nothing bad happened after that because it definitely did. I have had 3 heart surgeries as of this writing (one was just this week) but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that God has gotten me through all of it. The peace and joy that I have found under His wings is something I can never explain fully. Life has been hard and there has been so much that has happened along the way but through it all I have learned so much and gotten so much stronger in my faith. I pray one day my story helps someone but mostly I am just grateful that I have one to share. Over the past year, my faith has grown even more through different circumstances and I am here to say God loves you! He loves you so very much. That anxiety that is eating you alive, God wants to remove it. That depression that is drowning you, God wants to pull you out. That pain of lonliness that wears on you late at night, God wants to hold you through it. I am not saying it will get better today or even tomorrow. But like a loving Father, He is there to love you through all of it and to guide you to your purpose. 

By this point, some probably know exactly who is behind this because a few have heard my story. If that’s you, how about we just keep it between the two of us? Until next time, you are loved, you are valued, you are beautiful, you are chosen.